well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
