His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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