Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
