...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
