there's paper in my vomit.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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