It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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