That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
