If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
