Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
