She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
