were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
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pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
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I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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