I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
