we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
