she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
