What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
