Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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