I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
