apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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