I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
