She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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