i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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