if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
