just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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