After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
