my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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