I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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