Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
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we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
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I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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