so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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