The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
