I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
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She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
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In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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