dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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