Well douche your snatch and let's go!
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We just shotgunned beers for America
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
