Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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