so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
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Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
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Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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