I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
