So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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