No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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