if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Everyone says I win the strip club
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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