I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
