Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
only if we run a train.
done.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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