I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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