I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
