He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
we should paint friendship bongs
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