her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
