My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
