we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
