I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
