You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize