we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
