At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm passing your future prison.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
