My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
