P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
