Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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