How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
