You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
