This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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