Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
