My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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