it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
only you would photoshop your dick
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
