The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
meet me or not, i'm out of control
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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