Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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